5 Things That Happen on T.V, But Never In Real Life
Most television dramas attempt to
be at least a little like real life. There are certain things that happen on
TV, though, that never happen in the real world. It's not stuff like vampires
or superpowers that really seem out of place, though, it's the actions
discussed below that really hammer home that television has its own special
kind of reality.
No Goodbyes
Have you ever noticed that most characters don't say goodbye when they end a phone call on television? It's not that they just hang up on the other caller, really - it's that both parties almost telepathically decide on the perfect moment at which the conversation should end. There's rarely even a quick 'love you' between spouses - just a tightly edited end to these conversations.
One-Handed Shooting
A surprisingly large number of characters on television are proficient with firearms. They're so proficient, in fact, that they don't use the same kind of firing stance that real-world shooters use. They fire handguns one-handed, often with a kind of precision that would make most snipers jealously. Some can even maintain incredible accuracy with a gun in each hand, even when those guns are fairly inaccurate in real life. Bonus points go to those characters who fire off huge-caliber hand cannons with one hand and don't manage to break their own wrists.
Black Umbrella Funerals
It almost always rains at funerals on television, and everyone always has the same black umbrellas. Are they all using the same company? Is this a service that television grave yard use? Even it really did always rain at funerals, you'd have to assume at least one person would have a Mickey Mouse umbrella out there. On television, though, everything is uniformly dreary.
I Object!
People often object at weddings on television. These fantastic human beings wait until others have spent tens of thousands of others to bring up their issues with the wedding, and it somehow works. In real life, these conversations either happen long before the wedding or the offending person is dragged off by an angry relative. No scene necessary.
Comptuer Hacking
It'd be easier to discuss what television gets right about hacking than what it gets wrong. Simply put, using a computer on television is magic. Characters can make a computer do anything that's plot relevant, usually with a line of technobabble concerning terms that haven't been industry-relevant in a decade.
No Goodbyes
Have you ever noticed that most characters don't say goodbye when they end a phone call on television? It's not that they just hang up on the other caller, really - it's that both parties almost telepathically decide on the perfect moment at which the conversation should end. There's rarely even a quick 'love you' between spouses - just a tightly edited end to these conversations.
One-Handed Shooting
A surprisingly large number of characters on television are proficient with firearms. They're so proficient, in fact, that they don't use the same kind of firing stance that real-world shooters use. They fire handguns one-handed, often with a kind of precision that would make most snipers jealously. Some can even maintain incredible accuracy with a gun in each hand, even when those guns are fairly inaccurate in real life. Bonus points go to those characters who fire off huge-caliber hand cannons with one hand and don't manage to break their own wrists.
Black Umbrella Funerals
It almost always rains at funerals on television, and everyone always has the same black umbrellas. Are they all using the same company? Is this a service that television grave yard use? Even it really did always rain at funerals, you'd have to assume at least one person would have a Mickey Mouse umbrella out there. On television, though, everything is uniformly dreary.
I Object!
People often object at weddings on television. These fantastic human beings wait until others have spent tens of thousands of others to bring up their issues with the wedding, and it somehow works. In real life, these conversations either happen long before the wedding or the offending person is dragged off by an angry relative. No scene necessary.
Comptuer Hacking
It'd be easier to discuss what television gets right about hacking than what it gets wrong. Simply put, using a computer on television is magic. Characters can make a computer do anything that's plot relevant, usually with a line of technobabble concerning terms that haven't been industry-relevant in a decade.
Robert Gillings is an award winning writer, producer, actor architectural designer, philosopher and financial consultan
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